I want to start off by saying that some of this may be a little detailed, and I apologize, but I wanted to make it that way so we can help those family members/friends who have asked us to help them understand what it is we are dealing with. I know a few of my closest friends/family members have had a lot of questions for us, and most of all, have tried to figure out how to help us along the way and we want to thank you all for all your love and support.
As some of you may know, Kirk and I have been trying to conceive for a year now. I know some of you are thinking we haven't even been married a year, which is true, but we were told early on that our chancesof getting pregnant would continue to decrease every year. With this being said, Kirk and I decided that having a family was important to us, so we would start trying. For about 4 months we weren't really all that worried, we were told that many people try for months before they get pregnant, so we figured what we were going through was normal.
While we were trying, I was using those stupid LH surge test sticks. For those of you who may not know what they are, they are like a pregnancy test, except they tell you when you have an LH surge, so you can know when you are about to ovulate. I was using them every month and getting nothing. I thought maybe I was doing it wrong, because anyone who has used these tests before can tell you they are tricky things at times. At this point in time I was not diagnosed with PCOD so I had no idea that I wasn't ovulating.
After my trip to the doctor where I was finally told what was going on with my body, we met with my doctor to talk about getting back to trying for a baby. First off, any woman who has ever tired to get pregnant, whether they were successful or not, will tell you that each month that goes by and they don't get pregnant is torture. I was excited, yet cautious about getting back to trying for our family. Our doctor told me all the medicine she was going to prescribe to help me regulate my hormones, and to help me ovulate. I was a little overwhelmed. I did some research on the meds, especially Clomid. I found out many things, like I could only take it 6 times in my life time because it causes the uterus to thin, and because it can cause cancer if it is used for a long period of time. I also found out what symptoms would come along with the medicine. I researched what it did exactly, and decided that as long as I did not use Clomid more than the 6 cycles, that the possible benefits outweighed the possible risks.
I started my first round of 50 mg of Clomid a day for 5 days. All the symptoms they warned me about, yep, I got them. I followed all the directions, and scheduled CD13 scan. I continued to take those stupid LH tests, but still got nothing. When I went in for my scan, they told me they were looking for any mature follicles on my ovary, that if there were a mature follicle they would be able to give me and HCG trigger shot so the follicle would release an egg to be fertilized. I went into the scan very excited, and hoping for a mature follicle. There was nothing there and I was devastated. I figured the medicine would help, at least a little, but my body didn't react to it at all. After I was finished with the scan, I met with my doctor to talk about my options. I asked many questions, and felt completely hopeless. My doctor told me that we could try another round at a higher dose and if I didn't respond to that, then I would need to go on to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist. I was upset when I left the office, and I told her I would think things over, and call her office if I decided to take another round of Clomid.
Needless to say as soon as my next cycle came around I had calmed down, and decided to start another dose. I took the medicine the exact same way as the time before, and I continued using the LH surge predictor tests. Good news came with this cycle, I got a positive LH surge. I called the doctor's office the next day (since I had a positive on a Sunday) to get in to get have a scan done. I was very nervous because I didn't want to get my hopes up. On this scan there was a dominant follicle! I was elated, and I hoped that the doctor would have some good news for me. She was glad to see I had responded to the medicine, but said the follicle wasn't exactly mature enough to get and HCG trigger shot. I was excited, and a little disappointed all at the same time.
This next part is a little rough, only one other person knows about this, and I am sorry that you are finding out through a blog, but it is a hard subject to just bring up in daily conversation, and I think getting it off my chest will be very therapeutic for me. I do not want anyone to feel sorry for us, I just want to help those people who have asked us to help them understand what we are going through.
Kirk and I carried on like usual, and early November 23rd I took a pregnancy test. I was beyond elated! I had finally achieved something that I wanted so badly. The excitement I felt was quickly replaced with fear and heartbreak. I had started my cycle, and it had come on with a vengeance. I called my doctor right away and was worked into her schedule. When everything was said and done, I was told that I was having a miscarriage due to an inadequate amount of progesterone. She told me that the good news was that my body responded the way it should, minus the drop in progesterone, and hopefully receiving the trigger shot next cycle would help boost production. I was upset, but I carried on, picking up my next round of medicine and using my trip to see my parents as a way to take my mind off of things.
We just finished the cycle I started in November, and I progressed even more. I had a mature follicle of 3cm went I went in for my CD15 scan. This follicle was large enough to receive the HCG trigger shot. I was given the shot and sent home. About a week after I was given the shot, I ended up in the ER due to the extreme pain I was in. The doctor at the hospital stabilized me, and had me follow up with my doctor the next day. I went to the doctor's office the very next day for another scan. I was shown 3 large follicles this time, and I became very worried. I thought that my medicine had caused my small cysts to become larger, and that I was not going to ovulate this cycle. I met with another doctor since mine was on call the night before, and he had some good news for me. He said that he had no doubt that I was in a lot of pain, that when you ovulate, the follicle bursts and what is left over is a corpus luteum, and it is bruised inside. He explained it as when a man is kicked in his privates :) except for with a woman it doesn't subside after a few minutes, it continues. I laughed at his little comment, and he continued by telling me I was in double the pain, possibly triple the pain because I released two eggs, possibly three. I was in shock, and the doctor could see it on my face. I went home and told Kirk the good news, and he was also in shock. He told me he wasn't sure about having two kids at once, especially if they were as high maintenance as their mother. Nice husband huh? We went through the 2 week wait, and unfortunately that cycle didn't work out either. We are trying to stay positive, and we are scheduled to see the doctor about where we go from here.
If I have learned anything thus far from our situation, it is that I have the best husband in the world. He has been there for the late night ER trips, and all the times I have thrown up from a mixture of hormones and extreme pain. He has heard me rant and rave about the female body so much he could probably become a gynecologist haha. I have also learned that keeping our faith in God has been one of the things that has really gotten us through everything so far.
The one biggest piece of advice I can give to someone is, don't think that you know exactly what someone is going through. Just try to be sympathetic to what they may be going through. I don't pretend to know what other women feel when they go through things I have never had to deal with, but I do try to be there for them and just listen when they need someone to talk to.
The good news is Christmas is coming up, so I should be done with the depressing posts for awhile. :)
To my family and friends who have asked me to explain things more, I hope this has done the job. I love all of my friends and family, and I am truly blessed to have you all in my life!
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