So, the last time I was on here was far too long ago! When we last left off Kirk and I were in the middle of starting a little more aggressive fertility treatment. We went through one round of a medicated IUI, and unfortunately it didn't work. Every month would come and I would feel like there was a little bit of a chance that we could finally be pregnant with our miracle baby, but when we finally started with the injections and the IUI itself, I felt like it was going to be a sure bet. As stupid as I knew thinking that was, I still got my hopes up, and my heart was completely broken when we didn't end up pregnant. Kirk and I sat down after this and talked about our options, and whether to try again, or put everything on hold for a little bit and try to save up. Going to a fertility clinic, while a blessing, is extremely pricey and nothing can be sent to insurance, or at least ours. We decided to take one more chance, and try another round before putting it on hold. So we started another cycle. I started more meds, and I made Kirk take an arsenal of vitamins :) This round I ended up taking more inject-able meds than last time and prayed it helped. Taking more meds this round meant we had to be a little more creative when it came to taking my meds, because we weren't sitting home at all times. With these inject-able meds, they had to be taken at the same time everyday you take it. One day I had to take them we were at a nice restaurant eating sushi and I had to inject myself in the bathroom. I had my mother in law go with me because I was so terrified that someone would come into the bathroom and totally think I was a junky shooting up in the stall next to them. Not to mention the fact that bathrooms are not the cleanest places, and I didn't want any funky diseases haha :) Another time we had to take my meds, I needed Kirk's help injected myself with our "trigger" shot which was a time specific shot. We got side tracked while out with our friends, and my husband ended up having to inject me with meds in the back seat of our friend's car in the parking lot of a sports bar. Yeah... go ahead picture that and laugh, it was not one of my finest moments. All of our creativity, and Kirk taking vitamins really paid off. We went in for our IUI day and the first thing our nurse said was "good job" to Kirk. Apparently his numbers were extremely high. Normal, good numbers are in the 30 million, and he was over 150 million. Needless to say he was pretty proud of himself. Then the nurse looked at me and said there were a possible of 4 eggs released. I was excited, but also a little nervous that it may not work again, or that it would work too well and we would end up with four babies all at once haha. Well it all paid off because I am happy to say I am now 7 months pregnant. :) But all the stories from our first "positive" to this point I will go ahead and do different posts for those, so this one doesn't seem so long!
Monday, October 3, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Just something else to juggle....
So Kirk and I had our first appointment with our RE at the Idaho Center for Reproductive Medicine, yesterday and it was seriously one of the longest doctor appointments of my life! We showed up at 3 PM and didn't leave until 5 PM, and that's because they were closing.
While it was a long appointment we learned a lot, and felt reassured knowing we were being treated by the best, and most caring staff out there. We walked into the appointment not knowing what exactly to expect. I knew only what my OB/GYN had told me, but she admitted she was not a specialist and didn't know everything about infertility, and that I would be a good candidate to meet with a RE. The Dr. who we met with was Dr. Slater. She was just amazing! She told us how happy she was to have all my records, and how happy she was that Dr. Chasan had been proactive enough to order all the tests I had done. We still ended up having to do blood work, an ultra sound, and a lesson in jabbing myself with injections ;) but she said since I had the necessary tests done, half of the work was already done, and she had a care plan ready for us.
She went on to explain that since I suffer from PCOS I wasn't ovulating every month. She told us that in order to fix that to get pregnant she wants to over stimulate my ovaries. She said to do this I would take Clomid at the beginning of my cycle, like I did with Dr. Chasan, but the difference here was I would get three viles of Brevelle and inject myself with them so my brain would tell my body to mature the eggs even more. She said that the goal is get at least 2 mature follicles. (2 follicles = a chance at 2 babies!) She said sometimes it makes more than 2 follicles with obviously means the more mature follicles the more of a chance at getting more babies :) (As exciting as this sounds to me, Kirk is not thrilled about the idea of having twins or triplets haha) She then told us that if she saw mature follicles, and they had not yet released an the egg, she would give me the HcG trigger shot to signal the release of the egg. 24-36 hours after I receive the shot I will then go back to the office and have an IUI performed. She said it wouldn't end there. She told me they would want more blood work done, and they would be putting me on a progesterone to help increase the chances of the "baby" implanting in my uterus. She said I would continue to take the progesterone through the first trimester if we ended up pregnant, to help lessen the chances of another miscarriage.
As she told us all of this my head was swimming! I was thinking of how expensive (about $1000 a cycle) and time consuming this is all going to be. I mean what happened to making a baby in the comfort of your own home and on your own time?! :) But seriously, with school, work, and home obligations it's going to crazy to try and juggle everything. I know in the end it will be worth it to finally start our own little family. Having the ability to go to a specialist is such a blessing. It's also a blessing that I have a husband who works so hard to make the money that will pay for our little family, and he does all of this out of love for me and the family we will someday have. This has all been such a blessing in disguise, everything from being in constant pain to the pain of the emotional ups and downs from month to month. The pain has made me respect my body and myself a lot more, and helped me to realize the lifestyle changes that were necessary for us to make (even though if you ask Kirk soy milk and tofu sucks haha) The hardship that comes along with infertility is limitless. It has made our marriage stronger, helping us to communicate better with each other, and appreciate the other so much more. It has helped us to learn to save better. Fertility treatment isn't cheap and you can't just "put it on your tab" it's all due up front. It's also helped us realize that while we may have a few things in our life that is challenging, we really are very lucky to have what we have. And the biggest thing, is it has helped us to realize the amazing support system we have. We are so lucky to have the family and friends we do and we love you all so very, very much!
Until next time, remember to tell those that mean the world to you, that you love and appreciate them. Appreciate every day and every chance you are given. And, hey! If you have a hard time seeing the positive in a difficult situation, it could always be worse, right?!
While it was a long appointment we learned a lot, and felt reassured knowing we were being treated by the best, and most caring staff out there. We walked into the appointment not knowing what exactly to expect. I knew only what my OB/GYN had told me, but she admitted she was not a specialist and didn't know everything about infertility, and that I would be a good candidate to meet with a RE. The Dr. who we met with was Dr. Slater. She was just amazing! She told us how happy she was to have all my records, and how happy she was that Dr. Chasan had been proactive enough to order all the tests I had done. We still ended up having to do blood work, an ultra sound, and a lesson in jabbing myself with injections ;) but she said since I had the necessary tests done, half of the work was already done, and she had a care plan ready for us.
She went on to explain that since I suffer from PCOS I wasn't ovulating every month. She told us that in order to fix that to get pregnant she wants to over stimulate my ovaries. She said to do this I would take Clomid at the beginning of my cycle, like I did with Dr. Chasan, but the difference here was I would get three viles of Brevelle and inject myself with them so my brain would tell my body to mature the eggs even more. She said that the goal is get at least 2 mature follicles. (2 follicles = a chance at 2 babies!) She said sometimes it makes more than 2 follicles with obviously means the more mature follicles the more of a chance at getting more babies :) (As exciting as this sounds to me, Kirk is not thrilled about the idea of having twins or triplets haha) She then told us that if she saw mature follicles, and they had not yet released an the egg, she would give me the HcG trigger shot to signal the release of the egg. 24-36 hours after I receive the shot I will then go back to the office and have an IUI performed. She said it wouldn't end there. She told me they would want more blood work done, and they would be putting me on a progesterone to help increase the chances of the "baby" implanting in my uterus. She said I would continue to take the progesterone through the first trimester if we ended up pregnant, to help lessen the chances of another miscarriage.
As she told us all of this my head was swimming! I was thinking of how expensive (about $1000 a cycle) and time consuming this is all going to be. I mean what happened to making a baby in the comfort of your own home and on your own time?! :) But seriously, with school, work, and home obligations it's going to crazy to try and juggle everything. I know in the end it will be worth it to finally start our own little family. Having the ability to go to a specialist is such a blessing. It's also a blessing that I have a husband who works so hard to make the money that will pay for our little family, and he does all of this out of love for me and the family we will someday have. This has all been such a blessing in disguise, everything from being in constant pain to the pain of the emotional ups and downs from month to month. The pain has made me respect my body and myself a lot more, and helped me to realize the lifestyle changes that were necessary for us to make (even though if you ask Kirk soy milk and tofu sucks haha) The hardship that comes along with infertility is limitless. It has made our marriage stronger, helping us to communicate better with each other, and appreciate the other so much more. It has helped us to learn to save better. Fertility treatment isn't cheap and you can't just "put it on your tab" it's all due up front. It's also helped us realize that while we may have a few things in our life that is challenging, we really are very lucky to have what we have. And the biggest thing, is it has helped us to realize the amazing support system we have. We are so lucky to have the family and friends we do and we love you all so very, very much!
Until next time, remember to tell those that mean the world to you, that you love and appreciate them. Appreciate every day and every chance you are given. And, hey! If you have a hard time seeing the positive in a difficult situation, it could always be worse, right?!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
From childhood to adulthood... why can't it be the way we always pictured?
Today I came to the realization that I hadn't posted anything on here in the new year, crazy isn't it? Between school, work, and trying to fit in family friends and doctor's appointments, the beginning of new year has gone by surprisingly fast.
I have been thinking a lot lately of things I had growing up. Not just material things, but the experiences and people I had in my life. I have always cherished the memories I have had with friends ands loved ones, and I guess I always assumed things would stay the same and as I got a little more busy, I always thought to myself, "Oh, I will have time later to make more memories." Over the past few months I have realized this wasn't the case. I got a phone call from my parents one night while I was laying in bed and I automatically went into freak mode. My family never calls me at night or the early morning unless something is wrong. I picked up the phone and I asked what was up and if everyone was okay. My sister went on to say "Well it's grandpa". Right there my heart dropped and every wonderful memory I made with him out on the farm, flashed in one quick second. My sister then continued on to say, "Grandpa was taking something outside to the burn barrel and he fell and broke both of his arms". My grandfather is not a young man, and breaking any bone at his age, let alone two very important appendages, is going to be hard to recover from. It scared me to think of him laying in the snow in pain and I'm sure scared himself. I always thought I would have all the time in the world with my grandparents, and I would have more time to start a family and take them to the farm where I grew up, to learn about farming and all the hard work it brings. Or even my grandma Ilene, I always thought "She's only 3 hours away, we can make the trip anytime". Kirk and I didn't do this nearly enough, and now that she is moving in with my parents 8 hours away. I wish I would have taken advantage of spending more time with her.
I always had my life so perfectly mapped out and everything was going to be perfect. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I guess I fooled myself into believing that with just some hard work and determination that my life would be exactly how I wanted it to be.
I always pictured myself going on to College and getting my degree in Early Elementary Education, and I would become a 4th grade teacher that all the kids and parents alike, would love. Well after 3 years at Boise State I realized that teaching wasn't the best career field to go into, not that it isn't rewarding to the spirit, but because in our state, teachers are not a necessity when it comes to our state budget. I took what I had already done credit wise and I am going back to school to become an RN. While I also enjoy the medical field, I always pictured myself as a teacher. Maybe some day that dream will come true but for right now it's not realistic for me.
Another thing I always pictured for myself was to be in a career, and be very successful at it before I even thought about getting married. I don't have a career yet, but I do have a job, and I enjoy my job and I am very good at it. While it doesn't pay a great salary I always pictured having, it helps pay the bills. I am not unhappy in my marriage by any means, I love Kirk with every part of my being and he is my very very best friend in the universe :) But sometimes I wished I contributed more to our marriage financially right now.
I also always pictured getting married to a wonderful man, (which anyone who knows Kirk would agree that I did do this) and starting a beautiful family with him. I always pictured sitting down to have the "talk" and planning out our family. NEVER in a million years did I think that at the age of 23, that I would be in and out of the hospital for 2 years, and no one knew what was going on, until one day they figured it all out and said "oh by the way, we think you would benefit greatly from a full hysterectomy." This terrified both Kirk and I so we decided why wait for a family, so we started trying. We thought it would be simple, boy were we wrong. A few thousands of dollars, many uncomfortable procedures (both physically and emotionally) and over a year later, we still have no baby. We have been through so much, and some days it seems worth it, and others it's questionable. We have an appointment in a week to find out what our next option is, and basically to decide if having our own baby is worth $52,000 to us, or if going through hoops and being made to feel like I am less of a "mother" because I didn't birth the child is really worth adopting.
I guess the fact that "things didn't go according to plan" can be chalked up to life lessons. Believe me, in the last year I have learned more than I think I have in my entire life, but it doesn't make things any easier.
I tell myself everyday that I am incredibly lucky to have what I have and to remember that I am only as strong as the support system I have. (Thanks support system for all the help, I love you all more than you will ever realize.) I guess the thing I am trying to get at here, among all this rambling is: Appreciate everyday you are given. Tell the ones you love, that you love and appreciate them every single day, you never know when that person may be called back to heaven. Appreciate all that you have, other's may not be as lucky. And the biggest thing is, laugh at least 10 times a days. It always makes you feel better ;) And things may not turn out the way that you always imagined, but they are the way they are because God has a plan for you. You may not always understand (I know I don't have one clue as to what he has in store for me) but to just trust that he has your best interest at heart.
Until Next Time!
I have been thinking a lot lately of things I had growing up. Not just material things, but the experiences and people I had in my life. I have always cherished the memories I have had with friends ands loved ones, and I guess I always assumed things would stay the same and as I got a little more busy, I always thought to myself, "Oh, I will have time later to make more memories." Over the past few months I have realized this wasn't the case. I got a phone call from my parents one night while I was laying in bed and I automatically went into freak mode. My family never calls me at night or the early morning unless something is wrong. I picked up the phone and I asked what was up and if everyone was okay. My sister went on to say "Well it's grandpa". Right there my heart dropped and every wonderful memory I made with him out on the farm, flashed in one quick second. My sister then continued on to say, "Grandpa was taking something outside to the burn barrel and he fell and broke both of his arms". My grandfather is not a young man, and breaking any bone at his age, let alone two very important appendages, is going to be hard to recover from. It scared me to think of him laying in the snow in pain and I'm sure scared himself. I always thought I would have all the time in the world with my grandparents, and I would have more time to start a family and take them to the farm where I grew up, to learn about farming and all the hard work it brings. Or even my grandma Ilene, I always thought "She's only 3 hours away, we can make the trip anytime". Kirk and I didn't do this nearly enough, and now that she is moving in with my parents 8 hours away. I wish I would have taken advantage of spending more time with her.
I always had my life so perfectly mapped out and everything was going to be perfect. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I guess I fooled myself into believing that with just some hard work and determination that my life would be exactly how I wanted it to be.
I always pictured myself going on to College and getting my degree in Early Elementary Education, and I would become a 4th grade teacher that all the kids and parents alike, would love. Well after 3 years at Boise State I realized that teaching wasn't the best career field to go into, not that it isn't rewarding to the spirit, but because in our state, teachers are not a necessity when it comes to our state budget. I took what I had already done credit wise and I am going back to school to become an RN. While I also enjoy the medical field, I always pictured myself as a teacher. Maybe some day that dream will come true but for right now it's not realistic for me.
Another thing I always pictured for myself was to be in a career, and be very successful at it before I even thought about getting married. I don't have a career yet, but I do have a job, and I enjoy my job and I am very good at it. While it doesn't pay a great salary I always pictured having, it helps pay the bills. I am not unhappy in my marriage by any means, I love Kirk with every part of my being and he is my very very best friend in the universe :) But sometimes I wished I contributed more to our marriage financially right now.
I also always pictured getting married to a wonderful man, (which anyone who knows Kirk would agree that I did do this) and starting a beautiful family with him. I always pictured sitting down to have the "talk" and planning out our family. NEVER in a million years did I think that at the age of 23, that I would be in and out of the hospital for 2 years, and no one knew what was going on, until one day they figured it all out and said "oh by the way, we think you would benefit greatly from a full hysterectomy." This terrified both Kirk and I so we decided why wait for a family, so we started trying. We thought it would be simple, boy were we wrong. A few thousands of dollars, many uncomfortable procedures (both physically and emotionally) and over a year later, we still have no baby. We have been through so much, and some days it seems worth it, and others it's questionable. We have an appointment in a week to find out what our next option is, and basically to decide if having our own baby is worth $52,000 to us, or if going through hoops and being made to feel like I am less of a "mother" because I didn't birth the child is really worth adopting.
I guess the fact that "things didn't go according to plan" can be chalked up to life lessons. Believe me, in the last year I have learned more than I think I have in my entire life, but it doesn't make things any easier.
I tell myself everyday that I am incredibly lucky to have what I have and to remember that I am only as strong as the support system I have. (Thanks support system for all the help, I love you all more than you will ever realize.) I guess the thing I am trying to get at here, among all this rambling is: Appreciate everyday you are given. Tell the ones you love, that you love and appreciate them every single day, you never know when that person may be called back to heaven. Appreciate all that you have, other's may not be as lucky. And the biggest thing is, laugh at least 10 times a days. It always makes you feel better ;) And things may not turn out the way that you always imagined, but they are the way they are because God has a plan for you. You may not always understand (I know I don't have one clue as to what he has in store for me) but to just trust that he has your best interest at heart.
Until Next Time!
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