The Power of Prayer.... and One Amazing Husband.

Today was the big day.  I had the hardest time waiting for four days to have my hysterosalpingogram done.  (For anyone who may not know what that is here is a link to explain: http://www.advancedfertility.com/hsg.htm )  I was worried about what it would feel like, if it would hurt, and of course what the results would be.  My wait of a few days just happened to be due to the Christmas Holiday, and while sitting and watching my family and their beautiful children celebrate together, the stress of the unknown made it even harder for me to watch the children and their excitement over Christmas and Santa.  I know to some this may sound childish, but I am only human and there is no handbook on to handle the emotions that come along with infertility.  I always try to deal the best way I can.  I wasn't only worried/upset about my scheduled HSG, but we also found out that I was out this cycle because I couldn't take medicine due to a cyst, which means no ovulation this cycle.

My appointment was this morning, and I have to say for the past 3 days I have barely slept at all.  I was so worried about whether or not my tubes were blocked.  I was told by my doctor that blocked tubes equaled In-Vitro as the only means of me ever getting pregnant.  In-Vitro is not cheap, and I can honestly say I don't think we would ever be able to afford that.  The night before my test was to be done, I got on facebook and asked my friends there to pray for my husband and I.  I truly believe in the healing power of the Lord, and felt if anything could help me out in this situation, it would be by the grace of God.

I was lucky enough to be able to have my husband there with me.  As I checked in to St. Lukes, my anxiety level was through the roof! Having the amazing husband I do, he recommended that I bring my knitting along with me to the hospital so when I got nervous I could knit and get my mind off of it.  I have to admit that while I was waiting I was knitting and had two older women look at me with big smiles on their faces.  I got called back to the radiology room, and the tech had it all set up and ready to go.  The second we got into the room she showed me what I needed to change into.  When she said this, I lost it.  I started crying and apologized to her, I felt horrible breaking down like that in front of a complete stranger.  She hugged me and told me it was okay, and explained that she has never had anyone say that the pain caused by the test was unbearable.  I explained to her that I wasn't as worried about pain, that I had more tests and scans done to me in the past year and a half than in my entire life.  I continued by telling her I was afraid of what the results would end up to be.  She told me that a blocked tube didn't always mean it was the end of the road, and that St. Lukes was full of amazing, caring doctors who would help us as much as humanly possible.  She also told me that if it would help that my husband could stay in the room with a lead jacket on and hold my hand through it all.  I asked Kirk if he would be willing to do that for me, and he smiled me and said there was no way he was leaving me alone in the room.  I got positioned on the table, and it all started.  I will not say it was the worst thing I have ever gone through, but it was not something I would ever wish to do again.  Kirk stood next to me, and held my hand.  Kirk and I have this little thing we do where I squeeze his hand three times for "I love you" and he squeezes back four times for "I love you too".  Usually I am the one who squeezes three times and he does it back, but today he squeezed my hand three times while I was laying on the table.  It melted my heart, and reminded me that I have one of the best husbands in the world! The test hurt, and I had to move around to get all the x-rays that were needed.  When the test was done the doctor was nice enough to go over the results for me.  He started from the beginning, and showed me all the x-rays, and explained what was going on in each x-ray.  He got to one x-ray and explained that my tubes were clear now.  I think Kirk was more relieved than I was, which is saying a lot because I thought I heard him wrong.  Kirk held my hand so tightly and leaned down to me and said, "finally, some good news baby," and he kissed me.  The doctor explained that I had a small blockage, but the force behind the flush of iodine contrast had flushed it out.  He went on to tell us that the chance of getting pregnant after an HSG are really high within 3 months of having the test done.

Kirk and I were so relieved after the test, I think we both felt like we were walking on air, (even though I had lingering pain from the test that made me walk a little funny).  As we were driving back to Kirk's work, he admitted to me that he was terrified going in to the test and he had prayed so many times over the past few days.  He apologized for not telling me he was worried, but explained it was because he knew I was really stressed about it and didn't want to make it worse.

I honestly think that the test results came out so well because of all of those who prayed for us.  The power of prayer is undeniable, and I need to remember that God is watching over us and things will happen when it is best for us according to God's plan.  Even though all of this has been very difficult on Kirk and myself, it has been, in a way, good for us.  It has made our marriage much stronger, and has made us develop much stronger communication skills.  I love my husband so much and today will be a day that will be forever be in my memory all because of the wonderful husband I have.  I honestly think I wouldn't have been able to make it though the HSG if my husband hadn't been there and been strong for me.

Kirk Ray I love you so much, and having you by my side makes everything worth it.  Thank you for being you, for being so loving, and for being strong especially when I can't.

To everyone who has sent us their prayers, we thank you.  It is comforting to know that so many wonderful people are out there sending us love and prayers to help us cope through this all.

I am one lucky girl, and I never want to forget to count my blessings every day.